Chuck Norris can access the internet without a connection. The internet comes to him.

When Chuck Norris writes code, the compiler apologizes for any warnings.

Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it.

Chuck Norris can upload files to the cloud by throwing his laptop into the sky.

Chuck Norris does not need a GPS. He tells the road where to go.

Chuck Norris walked into a dog park. All the dogs played dead. Permanently.

Chuck Norris once taught a parrot to shut up.

Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.

Chuck Norris can play golf on a football field and still get a hole in one.

Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.

Chuck Norris can drown a fish.

Chuck Norris can cut through a hot knife with butter.

Chuck Norris can delete the recycling bin.

Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost.

Chuck Norris can start a fire underwater.

Chuck Norris can hear silence.

Chuck Norris can taste the letter nine.

Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door shut.

Chuck Norris once punched a man in the soul.