Chuck Norris Is Not Dead

Chuck Norris counted to infinity. Twice.

Chuck Norris can divide by zero.

Death once had a near-Chuck Norris experience.

Chuck Norris does not do push-ups. He pushes the Earth down.

Under Chuck Norris's beard, there is no chin. There is only another fist.

Chuck Norris's tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

The Big Bang was actually Chuck Norris roundhouse kicking the universe into existence.

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

Google won't search for Chuck Norris because it knows you don't find Chuck Norris, he finds you.

Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its descendants are now known as giraffes.

Fear of spiders is called arachnophobia. Fear of tight spaces is called claustrophobia. Fear of Chuck Norris is called logic.

Chuck Norris once threw a grenade and killed 50 people. Then the grenade exploded.

Chuck Norris was bitten by a cobra snake. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.

Chuck Norris knows the last digit of pi.

When Chuck Norris enters a room, he does not turn the lights on. He turns the dark off.

Chuck Norris can strangle you with a cordless phone.

Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in three moves.

Chuck Norris does not wear a watch. He decides what time it is.